Ten Things I’d like my unborn child(ren) to know

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I come from a family who regard reading just one newspaper a day an affront to literacy. Granddad reads three, or four on weekdays and up to six on Sundays. My mother becomes irritable if her subscriptions are delivered after the crack of dawn. When I was a baby of just a few days old, my grandfather took it upon himself to read the newspaper to me, so says my uncle. It’s something of a family tradition this reading business. I get the headlines peppered to me all day on Twitter which allows me to sound well versed in the wiles of the world, but the reality is I’ve been reading less, less frequently.

I’m eagerly seeking a remedy to my ADDHD ways, starting with an attempt at regaining some semblance of my old self, especially that self’s concentration levels. I took up an old habit of reading the Sunday papers with Monday breakfast. I particularly enjoyed the Mother’s Day feature in the Sunday Times Lifestyle, seven writers shared tips we should all give our children before they enter the world.

I enjoyed it so much, I’ve decided to make a list of ten things I’d like my unborn child(ren) to know:

1. Life is hard.
   
2. Money is the root of all evil and should therefore be dispensed with liberally, preferably in the acquisition of material happiness.
   
3. Happiness that is the result of material acquisition is transient.
   
4. Travel as often and as far as your purse and legs can take you.
   
5. Always be humble enough to learn. Your greatest lesson may be taught to you by a potato farmer in the deepest Free State.
   
6. Do not compromise yourself in an attempt to be well liked. You will find people who like you as you are, no matter how dotty you are initially perceived.
   
7. Political boundaries are to be challenged, not passively accepted.
   
8. The apostrophe is not a plural marker.
   
9. The greatest contentment you will feel is in prostration to your Creator.
   
10. When you’re climbing your personal Everest, don’t look up and despair at how far off the summit is; look down to see how high you’ve already climbed.
    

Aasia, Waseem, Shafinaaz and Antonio – what would you impart to your unborn spawn?